You Are The Odd-shaped Jigsaw Puzzle That I’m Looking to Fit.

Hey, sleepy head…

Maybe I can’t find cool analogies, pretty metaphors, or write a lovey dopey poem

I definitely can’t write music; therefore I’m not even good with words for these kind of things.

So, this time I’m serious,
I’m gonna make this ultra-simple,
the most primitive form of telling how I feel: “I love you”.

And I love being with you! I love your giggle, your silly grin.
I love the look in your eyes, those reflective eyes, filled with deep thoughts

The way of thinking that I understand. The unconventional person, you are.

You are the odd-shaped jigsaw puzzle that I’m looking to fit.

 

Entah

Entah Tuhan yang terlalu baik atau aku yang terlalu beruntung memiliki kamu di sisi

 

Persetan Dengan yang Lain

Dear kamu, si pemilik hobi tidur

Entah mengapa tiap aku ingin menulis sesuatu tentang kamu, jemariku terasa kaku, mungkin kata – kata telah bertumpuk dan beterbangan di atas kepala, namun tak sangup jemari ini tuk menekan tuts di hadapan.

mungkin memang segala sesuatu tentang kamu tidak harus aku tulis, cukup kunikmati sendiri, ya, buat aku saja, kamu satu, sudah cukup manis untuk kureguk tuk memaniskan segala getir.

Aku pikir ini anomali, bukan keromantisan seperti dalam cerita fiksi-fiksi pop yang menjadikan perasaanku padamu (dan aku yakin juga perasaanmu padaku) semakin kuat.
Walau perjalanan kita ini jauh dari kata romantis, bahkan aku tak yakin kalau kita punya arti kata romantis di kamus kita.

Beberapa kebiasaanmu, aku tak suka, beberapa kebiasaanku, kamu tak suka. Tapi kita tetap saling suka, saling menjaga.

Aku menginginkanmu seperti paru-paru menginginkan udara.

Dan, ingatlah selalu kata-kataku ini:

“Aku sayang kamu. Kamu saja. Persetan dengan yang lain!”

 

Buat si pemilik hobi tidur

Sekilas ku lihat dirimu yang tertidur pulas, senyumanmu menghasut bantal untuk bersenda gurau, merayakan dengan mimpi.

dan aku ingin memeluk kamu.

aku iri pada selimut itu

yang memeluk leher kamu.

sebelum kamu beranjak dari kelopak yang sedia kalanya berkedip berangsur terpejam.

apakah itu aku yang berada di dalam pupil mata mu?

dan tat kala buta sejenak itu sudah melihat sinema khayal yang entah ada aku disitu atau tidak, bibirku pun berbisik,

Dasar Pemalaaas Kamuuu

 

Hari ini dia pasti datang

14 Maret 2009

Sedikit grogi aku disini berdiri di hadapanmu.

Aku letakkan undangan itu di atas meja kerjamu.
“Kali ini benar datang ya,” pintaku.
Hening, kau hanya membisu seolah mengacuhkan surat undangan tersebut.

Aku tersenyum simpul, semanis mungkin, kuharap kamu suka, kemudian aku berlalu.

17 Maret 2009
Akhirnya hari itu tiba.
Hari dimana akhirnya kau mau datang ke pesta ulangtahunku,
sudah 2 tahun harapanku dibuat beku oleh ketidakhadiranmu.

Lihatlah, aku sudah dewasa sekarang.
Pipi dan bibirku sudah dibuat merah merona,
yang kuharap bisa membuat hatimu berdesir.
Hari yang sama, pukul 22.00
“Sudah, tak perlu kamu tunggu dia lagi. Dia dari dulu hanya dapat berjanji tanpa pernah ditepati.” kata Ibuku.
“Tidak, Ibu. Hari ini dia pasti datang.” senyumku, yakin.

Dua jam lagi hari ini akan berlalu,
tidak terlihat tanda- tanda kehadirannya.
Tidak ada kabar sama sekali,
seakan – akan dia sudah mati.

Ini sudah saatnya.
Tanpa peduli pandangan hangat dari Ibuku,
dan balon – balon yang seakan ingin menghibur tapi ragu.
Kutusuk leherku tiga kali,
sambil berbisik dalam hati, “datang ya ke pemakamanku, Bapak. Besok pagi.”

 

I don’t give a damn about how much you and your insecurity weigh

“I don’t think you love me. You said I’m ugly and silly.”
“Do you know that once I dated a supermodel?”

———————————

“…how is that supposed to make me feel better???”
“Please, let me finish. I dated her for a couple of months, and we went to all of those glamorous parties. It was fun.”

——————————————

“You better finish your story quickly. My insecurity just gained another 5 kilos, thanks to your stupid supermodel story.”
“FYI, I don’t give a damn about how much you and your insecurity weigh! Okay, so the supermodel was so good in bed…unlike you, who refused to have sex before marriage. Fucking lame.”

——————————————-

“Why don’t you just killl me? I just thought you should know.FYI!”
“She is very pretty my eyes get weepy everytime I see her.”

———————————-

“.. If you do adore her.. If you hate me so much why are you still with me?”
“For God sake, Emily! Don’t you get it? She is undeniably the hottest girl I’ve ever dated, but everytime I see her my vision gets blurry! Who the fuck would want his eyes to get blurry? Yes, we went to those glamorous parties but you know me… I can’t stand being someone else in those parties, I’m sick of wearing masks everytime I’m with her..all I wanna do is to drink my beer and laugh my ass off. You Emily, you enable me to do all of that. You make me laugh, you don’t care what shoes I wear, you don’t care if I ride my bike rather than my car…”

—————————-

“But you said you don’t give a damn about me and my insecurity, and that I am lame..”
“It’s true, I don’t give a damn! I’m not here to feed your insecurity.. Do I look like a caretaker? You are lame for thinking that I am a jar of sugar, because some of the things I say might leave scar. Now listen carefully, I need you to tattoo the following confession on your mind. Emily, you are the only person that makes me feel understood and relevant. How can I stop my heart and head from whispering your name everytime your stupid smile makes me feel good”

———————————–

“….. I love you. I’m sorry for being so silly.”
“You ARE silly, and you better stop apologizing. Repeated “sorrys” won’t work unless they give me money. Now shut your mouth and let’s have dinner!”

————————————–

“Babe, say you love me. Please. For once.”
“Damn girl! What a demanding girl you are! Alright, alright. I have a great interest and pleasure in you, an intense feeling of deep affection for you, a deep romantic attachment to someone. Damn, I really need to learn how not to sound cheesy. Okay, Emilyy, you are the girl of my reality that provides me enough faith to keep trying, breathing and smiling. You make me sleep well at night, knowing that there is one wonderful girl in this world that genuinely cares for me, no matter how rude and unromantic I am. There. Satisfied?”

– – – – – –

“See this photo? You look beautiful when you are sleeping.”
“Should I get drunk and then fall asleep everytime my confidence shrunk?”

“Of course not, stupid. I’m not suggesting you to become everyone’s pretty face. I just want your prettiness for my own. I don’t trust any other guys, except for your Father.”

————————————–

“..tell me you can’t live without me..”
“Cut that crap! If your insecurity is a human being, I’d mutilate him until his blood begs for mercy. Emily, I thought we had this discussion last week? I feel ill whenever your insecurity asks for food. I hate these stupid questions!”

—————————————-

“You know me, why don’t you at least try to put up with me? Just tell me that you can’t live without me.”
“Emily, read my lips and hear me closely.. Of course I CAN live without you. You are not food, water and beer, for God’s sake. Stop flattering yourself. You are not THAT important!”

——————————————-

“Oh, okay..  Another kilo for my insecurity!”
“What? Oh, com’on Emily.. You want me to treat you like food, water and beer? To treat you like something to swallow and digest just to survive? Then I’ll burp, throw you away over my ass and push ‘flush’? I’ll even wash my hands twice after. Is that how you want me to treat you?”

————————————————–

“I fucking hate you! I really do! Last week you made me feel loved. Now it feels like you just unnoticeably stab me directly into my fragile heart! I hate you! You hear me? I HATE you!”
“Yes! com’on! Punch me, punch me harder Emily!… Did I see tears there? God damn it, why do girls have to cry.. Come here Emily, you just need a little hug”

—————————————-

“…I just need to make sure that you won’t leave me. I need to be sure that I won’t wake up one day, realizing the absence of you.”

“Giving you a free, all-access pass to enter my life has become both the best and worst decision I’ve ever made, Emily. I can’t be sure of tomorrow, you can’t, no one can. Here is an example, can you be sure of tomorrow’s rain? No you can’t. See? I don’t fear the possibility of your absence, I can’t force you to stay if you want to walk away. It’s not my job. What I fear is…the possibility of you forcing me to leave, which I can assure you, unless you decide to become a slut and cheat on me, I won’t want to walk away.”

—————————————————-

“…”

“What now? Okay, please listen, I’m trying, Emily. Since you have a huge crap of tolerance over my insensitivity, I guess I have to try harder to cope with your insecurity. I can assure you that I will never hurt you on purpose. I’m not going to cheat on you, because I can’t even drive AND text, for God’s sake. I’m not a multitasker. I’m working hard so that one day I’ll be able take you to Fiji, or wherever ridiculous place you keep rambling about. I want to build a roof for both of us to live under, but I know there are still a lot of things I need to prove. So, please be patient. Be sure of me like I am sure of you.”

————————————————

“… I’m sorry..I promise I won’t ask you all those stupid questions again.”
“Shut up, Emily, I know you will. I’ll be your weekly reminder, as long as you promise not to become a fucking pretender. Are we clear? Now wipe your tears, go find your bag and let’s have sumtin to eat! I’m so hungry I can eat you.. Ha!”

 

May I touch you from the inside?

Gue pengen jadi ikan, mencium perut lo lalu berenang-renang di perut lo

Kecipak kecipuk riang lalu diam-diam berenang nakal mendekati hati lo

Menikmati tiap detakan

 

kenapa ikan? karena ikan gak bobok, well, setidaknya ikan gak merem

jadi gue bisa puas kecipak kecipuk dari perut sampai hati lo

berharap bisa menyentuh hati lo, dari dalam..

May I touch you from the inside?

 

Having a Me Time

Atas saran seseorang, gw akhirnya nge-post lagi di blog 😀

postingan ini sederhana, berawal pas gw makan di pantry kantor, ada OB nanya gw, “makan sendirian aja mas?”  Err, dan emang iya sih, gw tadi makan sendirian 😀

Tapi dari pertanyaan itu bikin gw mikir satu hal. Why sometimes it such a big deal for people to do something alone?

Ya iya sih, dasarnya manusia makhluk sosial. Kalo bisa ya rame-rame, tapi kalo keseringan rame-rame juga lama-lama bosen. It’s not like being in groups is bad. I enjoy going together with friends too. But then I enjoy ‘alone time’ – if I should say – more.

Buat gw itu konyol rasanya kalo lo ga bisa menikmatin hal yang lo suka sendirian hanya karena “ntar orang pada bilang itu aneh”

Buat gw, yang ga wajar itu kalo idup kita muter-muter dalam anggapan ‘ntar orang bilang apa lah / nganggep apa lah / liat gimana lah’. Shit dude, that’s sucks..

What’s wrong in having dinner alone at a cafe?

What’s wrong in watching movie alone at the theater?

Malah kadang kalo sendirian lebih enak aja rasanya. Orang ga ada yang komentar tentang apa yang lo makan atau tentang cara lo makan, orang juga ga ada yang komentar  pas lo lagi nonton film kesukaan lo yang mungkin temen-temen lo anggep aneh. Bodo amat deh. Gw suka. Lo ga suka ya ga usah nonton.

I found solace in being alone. Kadang rasanya lebih tenang dan ga berkesan grasa-grusu. Elo sendiri yang nentuin kapan lo mulai dan kapan lo selesai.

Manusia emang makhluk sosial, tapi tiap orang juga individu sendiri 😀 So enjoy your solace and find your own inner peace 🙂

 

A lizard is in love with a baby crocodile.

In a deep forest, somewhere, somehow.

A lizard is in love with a baby crocodile.
“This is a new thing. Please make sure it’s safe before you fall.” The Snail says.
“You are a lizard, he is a baby crocodile. He’ll eat you alive.” The Bird says.

As a wise man said “It’s useless to give advice to a woman who is in love”

The lizard is falling even deeper with the baby crocodile.
Just the thought of him walking and eating insects,
shivers her alive.

Until one day,
the time has come.
The baby crocodile feels lonely, and decided to look down, way down,
where the lizard waits for weeks.

“Hey, lizard. Why are you so small?” The baby Crocodile opens up a conversation.

“That’s because you are so big. For ants, I’m humongous. You don’t like me being small?” The Lizard asks, secretly wishing he’ll say sweet nothings.

“You are smart. I don’t mind you being small, do you mind me being so tall?”
“No, crocodile. I don’t mind. Everything you do, everything you have, everything you are, I don’t mind.” The Lizard finally opens up.

“Everything I do? You don’t mind?” Baby Crocodile tries to confirm.

“I don’t mind at all.”

There, with the perfect amount of permission the Lizard gives,
the Baby Crocodile swallows her, it took him only 2 seconds.

The Snail, the Bird, and pretty much everyone who hears the news cry like widows. The Lizard is the nicest friend they ever had, but there’s no way they could ever try to kill the baby Crocodile. Lizard’s gone anyway.

The whole place has turned into a mourning space.
Tears are dropping.
All cries for Lizard.

Lizard is smiling happily in the stomach.
Nothing could beats her happiness,
as she finally gets into the body of her Man Muse.

Nothing could take her away from him,
unless she stops moving.

 

Thank you Allah, thank you Universe….

I thank you Allah, for 6 September 2010 to 6 September 2011…. – it’s been a long year, so much drama happening, yet it makes me wiser and love life even more.. mostly it has been a long August (Ramadhan), yet I’m happy.

and I thank You, for every person I’ve meet then make them a part of my life… – friends, they come and go, friends that become enemy, I’d like to call them the frenemy. It’s all nature’s selection I guess. family stays here, no matter how much they’ve hurt me. It’s the blood related thing.

and I thank You, for every smile I give and I get… – i am thankful for every small part of my face that can create a smile. I might not be the most gorgeous man on earth, but when I smile, it’s real. I never fake a smile.

and I thank You, for every meals, every breath, every water that I take… – gain weight, lose weight, it’s all Your gift. I breath, I sleep, I awake because of You and only You.

and I thank You, for all the energy, all the power, all the blessing… – I have this certain energy that keep me sane, that can give me another strength to be strong for my friends. Keep me this way.

and I thank You, for every beautiful mind… – where I can put words like these, where I can have all photographic memories to places I’ve visited.

and I’m sorry Allah, for all the sins I’ve done, for doubting even in a blink of an eye… and I thank you Allah, for giving me chances to thank You.

Thank you Allah, thank you Universe….

Happy 25 years old Boma Septiago